At the center, home

I walked a labyrinth today. It is the first time I have mindfully experienced the ebb and flow of a path toward a center. As I was walking, each twist and turn brought to mind different aspects of my path toward healing. I noticed each turn toward the center, the light, home. I felt each…

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A brief moment

Sundays are the hardest because of the voices that never leave me alone. Sometimes it's the what and the why. What is wrong with me? Why can't I join in with others in song and worship? Other times it's memories, comdemnations, reminders that I do not belong. I listen to the words but the messages…

Keep writing?

It's been awhile since I've written anything here. Oh, I've written. Quite a lot. I've shared some with a few, but every time I think of putting something here, I question the validity of anything I have to say. So many others have written about depression and trauma and healing much more eloquently than I…

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

I am starting a bible study with a small group of friends soon. This is a group of women who I have let in to my world of pain and darkness. The bible study was written by a woman who has dealt with her own version of that pain and darkness. I have only begun…

A meaningful bonnet

Mom gave me my baby bonnet yesterday. I went over to her home to give her a mother's day present and card. Conversation was light, turning to medical issues, as with most people her age. As I was leaving, she said she had something for me she had been holding on to for years (47…

She is stuck

She is stuck back at a time when all she knew was that there was something wrong with her. She didn't know what. All she knew was that whatever she did, whatever she tried - creating, painting, picking flowers, giving gifts - she was never okay, never good enough. We all have that voice we…

The pain of a giving child

I love to give things to and do things for people for no reason. It is so neat to watch them when they have received something they have not asked for or have not earned. My favorite way to do this is when they do not know from whom the gift came. There is an…

A Love of Storms

For a long time, I have said that I can remember nothing good about my childhood. Anything that had a possibility of being good had something attached that took the “good” away. There is one instance, however, that has stuck out over the years. It is good and long-lasting. There is a detraction, but the…

Anger, Understanding, Mercy

I have been really angry with my dad for the first time I can ever remember. I began to feel it about a month ago when a tragedy struck our family with the death of an aunt. The family came together in ways I never believed possible. But for some reason, the resulting emotions, for…

Gifts, Wounds and Vacuums

I am reading a book called Father God. It speaks of four gifts God gave Jesus during His time here in earth. Gifts that every child needs from their earthly father. In their imperfections, fathers do not give these gifts as was intended from the beginning. Father Gifts Identity Love Pleasure Place As I have…